Dudley Meets the Dentist
by the bert
Summary: Ficlet. What happens when Dudley changes his dentist to Dr. Granger?


Dudley sat down in the waiting room of his new dentist and looked around. The walls were green, a very ugly green he thought. He had never liked dentists. They used sharp tools and told him he had cavities, even though his mom and dad had always told him that he had a perfect little smile. After a couple of moments, a nurse came up and told him it was his turn. He followed the lady, Mrs. Dursley close behind him, into another room that was painted in an even uglier shade of green. A man with a white coat and shiny nametag walked into the room and smiled at Dudley.  
  
"Hello, my name is Dr. Granger. You must be Dudley," said the stranger. Dudley nodded slowly, too afraid to do anything more. Dr. Granger continued, "Hop up on here and we'll start on those teeth, shall we?" Dudley froze, but a sharp tap on the rear from his mother told him that him that he better get moving. "Now open up wide Dudley." At that point in time, Mrs. Dursley's cell phone rang and left to answer it. Dudley opened his mouth as Dr. Granger shoved some shiny objects into it, jotted down some notes, and asked Dudley about his summer holiday.  
  
"Oh dear, nope, not good. Now Dudley, have you been eating too many sweets?"  
  
Dudley eyes widened in fear, and he managed to stutter, "Um, h-how d-dare you ask m-me a qu-question like th-that?"  
  
"Oh not to worry, sonny. It's just a couple of small cavities."  
  
"Is that bad?"  
  
"Well, uh, Dudley, not if you treat them right away. I'll have to schedule an appointment with you mother for your fillings."  
  
"Th-th-the f-fillings?"  
  
"Oh it doesn't hurt. We just need to fill in your cavities."  
  
"Stupendible!"  
  
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A/N: stupedible is a patent of Teddy Mower (hehe), i  
  
know Dudley would never say such a thing, but oh well  
  
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Dudley bounced out of the room to tell his mother the 'good' news. "Mommy, mommy, I've got some cavities; I need to get them filled in."  
  
At that moment, Dr. Granger walked into the room. Mrs. Dursley complimented Dr. Granger on his ability to make Dudley excited about going to the dentist. She then proceeded to invite him and his family over for dinner that night.  
  
"Sorry, but my daughter needs to do some shopping tonight and I promised her that I would go with her. Maybe tomorrow night, though."  
  
"Okay, tomorrow night sounds fine."  
  
"What is your address?"  
  
"4 Privet Drive."  
  
The address rang a bell in Dr. Granger's head, but he didn't remember where he'd heard it before.  
  
"What time shall my family and I arrive?"  
  
"About sevenish is okay."  
  
"Okay then."  
  
As Dr. Granger and Mrs. Dursley made dinner arrangements, Dudley stared at the ugly green walls. It reminded him of this ugly green stew that his dad had made for him one night. Mr. Dursley threatened to take his dessert away from his for an entire week if he didn't try it, so he gave in. It tasted very sticky. He then wondered if the walls were sticky. Maybe he could climb on them. He decided to try it. He went over to the wall. Dudley stuck his big, ugly, red shoe up and stomped hard against the wall. It made a lot of noise. Maybe they won't hear it Dudley thought to himself. Unfortunately, he was wrong. As soon as he thought these words to himself, Mrs. Dursley and Dr. Granger looked up.  
  
"Dudley!" Mrs. Dursley screeched. "You know better than to stomp on a stranger's walls! I'm so sorry, Dr. Granger, but my son and I must be heading home. See you at seven!"  
  
*********************  
  
Mrs. Dursley and Dudley drove home and Dudley told his father about Dr. Granger and how he makes cavities sound interesting. Mr. Dursley was amazed, for he had always thought that dentists were up to no good. He inquired if Mrs. Dursley had invited the Grangers for dinner.  
  
"Did you invite this talented young dentist to dinner with us? We have to find out his secrets. No dentist has ever made Dudley happy about getting cavities."  
  
"Of course I invited them over, they are coming tomorrow at seven."  
  
*********************  
  
Harry, as usual, was stuck upstairs pretending he wasn't there (isn't that familiar?). The Grangers were right on time. Upon opening the door, Dudley couldn't help gape. Dr. Granger's daughter was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.  
  
"Um, hello."  
  
"Hi, I'm Hermione Granger. What's your name?"  
  
"Um, um, D-D-Dudley."  
  
"D-D-Dursley?"  
  
"Y-yeah"  
  
Hermione took a second to regain her consciousness. She was a little shocked, but she didn't say anything about it. She thought I wonder if Harry is upstairs. The Grangers then went into the Dursleys' house and sat down. Both Dr. Grangers and Mr. and Mrs. Dursley started a nice converstaion. Mr. Dursley thought that the Grangers looked a little familiar, but he couldn't quite put a finger on it.  
  
"So, both of you are dentists."  
  
"Yes, that's how we met. We both worked for the same person."  
  
"Oh, that's interesting," replied Mrs. Dursley while she thought what a stupid way me your marriage partner.  
  
Suddenly a large snowy owl swooped down the stairs followed by a small, dark-haired boy with glasses. The owl started pecking at Hermione after she smelled Hermione's scent.  
  
Hermione recognized the owl as Harry's pet, Hedwig. Hermione screamed, "Hedwig!  
  
"Harry!" screamed Dr. Granger.  
  
"Hermione!" screamed Harry.  
  
"Harry!" screamed Hermione.  
  
"YOU!" screamed Mr. Dursley. "Y-you get back up stairs this inst-- wait, you know him?"  
  
"Yes," replied Dr. Granger, "he's my daughter, Hermione's, best friend. They go to school together."  
  
Dudley was paralyzed with fear as he remembered the time when he grew a tail and the time his tongue grew ten times the normal size.  
  
"You're a-- she's a-- I WILL NOT HAVE ABNORMAL PEOPLE IN THIS HOUSE!!!!!!!!!" Mr. Dursley thought he probably put a curse on Dudley. "HOW DARE YOU CURSE MY SON TO MAKE HIM EXCITED ABOUT CAVITIES!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Harry then replied, confused, "How? Dr. Granger doesn't know magic. He's a Muggle."  
  
"HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO MENTION THE "M" WORD UNDER MY ROOF?"  
  
Hermione than muttered to herself, "Oh god..."  
  
Mr. Dursley threatened Harry that if he did not get up the stairs that instant, he would be in his cupboard with no food until the end of the summer holiday.  
  
Harry ran up the stairs, Hedwig, his faithful owl, following him.  
  
Mr. Dursley turned back to the Grangers and said, "You may finish your dinner, but this creature," he pointed to Hermione, "must get out of here.  
  
Dr. Granger would not allow his daughter to be kicked out and a heated arguement started.  
  
Mr Dursley got so furious that he started to throw the dinner plates at the Grangers. When they saw this, the Granger immediately snatched up their dinner plates and threw them right back at the Dursleys.  
  
Admist all this turmoil, chaos, and broken china, you may believe that a lesson was learned by Dudley that not all Muggles are good, and not all witches are bad. However, as you may noticed, this story was intended to be humorous, not a fable. Humor was invented to entertain, not teach. Therefore, if you are one of those people who believed in love at first sight, and believed that Dudley had would have a crush on Hermione all throughout his teenage years, even though she was a witch, you are dreadfully wrong. Dudley, being the stupid oaf he is, started noticing all the horrible things about Hermione; her bushy hair; her stupid name; and her uncanny resemblance to a furry feline.  
  
I apologize to all those people we believed that this story end peacefully, and that the Grangers and the Dursleys would become friends, and the Dursleys would put aside their hatred for Harry among other things, but that's not the way this story goes. 


End file.
